


Egoism

by bloodrunsred



Series: Learn the Alphabet with Wade and Peter [5]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Bingo, Cute Ending, Identity Reveal, M/M, Mutual Pining, Spideypool - Freeform, Spideypool Bingo 2019, Yoga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-05-19 11:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19355692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodrunsred/pseuds/bloodrunsred
Summary: Wade needed to unwind; good thing his best bud (and the love of his life), Spider-Man, recommended a cute guy that teaches yoga.Really, Peter Parker had no right to be so flexible. Or so good looking. If Wade weren't mentally married to a web-slinger (and hadn't starred in A Nightmare On Elm's Street), he would totally tap 'dat ass. Turns out, Fate's on his side.





	Egoism

**Author's Note:**

> E is for Egoism
> 
> Song of the Day: Circus Of Your Mind, sung by Kelsey Grammer, Teal Wicks, and Carolee Carmello

_"Yoga is the dance of_ _every cell_

_With the music of every breath_

_That creates inner serenity and harmony."_

Debasish Mridha

 

* * *

 

Wade took a deep breath.

And then he took another. And another. Really, he was breathing like a champ--did they give out medals for breathing? He could definitely (well, probably. Maybe) win a medal in the Olympics or whatever other competitions gave out medals. Bowling, maybe? Spider-Man crouched down beside him, his gloved hand resting gently on Wade's arm. It made Wade wheeze even more, and his vision blur around the edges. His bones were aching and his joints were creaky, and he wanted to just pass out already.

"Wade, are you hyperventilating? Do you have asthma? What am I saying, of course you don't have asthma--but can I do anything to help?" Spidey asked, sweet (and sticky) as honey, and Wade huffed out a strangled laugh as he waved him away.

"Nope!" Wade manages to choke out, shooting finger-guns. "We just finished running, like, a million fucking marathons, and I'm really shitty at that stuff. Like, my healing factor takes care of it, but I am pretty much the  _worst_ at everything to do with running for extended periods of time, or stretching. You know, I can only do that old-man stuff, or my bones and lungs hate my guts."

Spidey laughed, but he seemed to be considering something. "Hey," he said after a pause that had them both staring at the setting sun as they waited for the other to speak. "Have you ever tried yoga before? I'm only asking because I know a guy who does a class--I'm _friends_ with him, so he'll probably let you do it for free. It might help your bones and lungs stop hating you, and you won't have to take a zillion breathers when we're chasing a criminal."

"The guy had  _wings,_ how was I supposed to keep up with that?" Wade whined, though his ears were perked for any information whatsoever on Spidey's identity. He wouldn't invade the guy's privacy--no, he was way too scared of chasing him and his glorious ass away--but, c'mon. This was information being offered on a silver platter, with talk of yoga. Which was full of people stretching, and twisting their bodies in weird ways...

Maybe Spider-Man did yoga? It sure would explain how he was hardly even winded, and how he could do the strangest things with his body... seriously, legs were  _not_ supposed to bend that way. 

"Want me to write down the address of his place for you?" Spidey asked, sounding way too smug, like he knew exactly what question was running through Wade's mind and the answer too. "I know you have Barbie sticky-notes on you somewhere, I wasn't born yesterday."

"Riddle me this, babe," Deadpool said, fishing said sticky-notes out of his pouch. "Will I see an unmasked you at this yoga studio-thingy?"

This was their thing; he flirted, Spidey teased back, and Wade was left with one too many fantasies to fuel his adoration-bordering-on-obsession with the Webbed Wonder. It was no secret that Wade wanted to know what lurked under the mask, and it was no secret that Spidey wanted to know the same thing about him. It was Wade's only leverage over him, though, so he had made the offer more than once; show you mine, show me yours.

There was something a little more than teasing in Spidey's tone as he finished writing down the address with a sharpie that had come from one of Wade's pockets. "It depends," he said, his fingers lingering as he tucked the note into Wade's suit. "Will I see yours?"

Wade's breath caught in his throat, and he nodded maybe a little too slowly. He looked down at the note, and smiled. "Peter Parker," he said. "Cute name." He had wanted to see a change in Spidey's body language; something that suggested jealousy, or longing, or anything along those pretty little lines. Instead, the man (adorably and quite obviously) perked up.

The fabric that was stretched over Spidey's face shifted slightly, and Wade thought he might have been smiling as well. "It's a date, then," he said, his eye-lenses narrowing slightly in what Wade, from personal experience, knew to be tired fondness, before turning and throwing a web."I'm looking forward to it, Wade." The web snagged on a building, and Spider-Man was tugged away (accidentally bringing Wade's heart with him for the ride).

Wade whistled slightly, partly awed, and partly in shock. "What just happened?" 

[[Not a clue.]] White said, and Wade scowled at the air. That wasn't helpful at all.

{I think we're going to score tomorrow!} Yellow squealed. {We're gonna touch the butt, we're going to touch the butt!}

"Okay, we're not going to touch anyone's butt." Wade looked down, and pulled the note from the folds of his suit.  _Peter Parker,_ it said in sharp chicken-scratch,  _61 W 23rd Street. See you soon (I hope!); early session. I bet you won't know me when you see me! <3 _"He's just joking with us. Like normal, so just--I dunno, just calm down or something. It's not going to happen."

{But I  _want_ it to happen!}

Well, Wade thought as he studied the writing ( _bet you won't know me when you see me!_ ), he would just have to try and prove Spidey wrong. Which was something he wasn't really good at on a regular day but, damn, would he try tomorrow. Besides, he thought, how hard could it possibly be?

 

* * *

 

The night passed quickly, too quickly for Wade's liking and, by morning, he was a nervous wreck.

What if Spidey had been joking? What if Wade was showing up to be humiliated and laughed at? What if he confused Spider-Man for someone else, and other people figured out he did yoga there? What if he took one look at his ugly mug and ran away? What if he ruined everything for everyone? Was yesterday just a mass hallucination, designed to make him go harass innocent civilians?

He pulled out the hot-pink note, and tried to calm himself. 

He was just over-exaggerating, like he did sometimes (well, all the time, if he was being honest), and he didn't want to chicken out now.

{Buck-buck!} Yellow crowed. {Buck-buck-buck!} 

Plus, joking around with random strangers wouldn't be the worst thing he's ever done. At the end of the day, if he did anything gross or weird, then he could blame it on any of his multiple issues. He had, like, a million hilariously fake stories to tell people when they inevitably asked why he was the way he was. Though, he couldn't remember if he had used the 'being dumped by a unicorn princess who shoved him into candy lava which is why his skin is so fucked up' yet.

The writing didn't look faked. Though, it wasn't like writing could look insincere.

Could it?

No, that would be stupid. Completely insane. Really dumb. It wasn't like people could actually study writing to see if a person was telling the truth. Which, coincidentally, was why Wade was  _not_ holding the paper close to his face in order to look at it properly. Or angling it so the morning sun (only just rising because, of course, yoga would start at a dumb, early time) made it light up like a traffic light.

[[Stop looking at the paper so close, oh my god.]]

"You can't tell me what to do, you're not my papa!" Wade shouted, throwing his arms in the air for good measure. In _any_ case, Wade was completely and utterly unprepared for whatever might spring out of the shadows of an airy yoga studio. That still left an obstacle, though, one he was wrestling with like his many, many lives depended on it. The second biggest issue was...

Wade wasn't wearing his costume. 

His super-suit, his full-body condom, his shitty attempt at a Spider-Man cosplay, whatever people wanted to call it. And, as an unfortunate consequence, his face was bare to the world. It was strange, he realised that pretty quickly; he nearly never took his mask off for extended periods of time (he even slept in it sometimes, on the really bad days and nights), and the coolness of the air was refreshing. 

Refreshing, and fucking _terrifying_. 

He had never shown Spidey his whole face before, and now he was making that leap in front of whoever showed up to a five-thirty AM session. Which, as much as he hated the idea of leaving his house dressed the way he was, was a small comfort. Not many people would show up, especially given the fact that it was a weekday, and it was cold out. Thank God for lazy people, he decided.

{Nu-uh! Thank Spidey! That booty just don't stop giving, does it?}

"I did thank Spidey--did you really not hear the 'Thank God'? I literally just said it. Dumbass."

[[Wow, you're so unique and funny.]]

Wade pulled his hoodie down low, covering the majority of his scarred head, before checking his watch. He quickly mourned the loss of precious sleeping hours, before locking himself out of his apartment. He threw his key somewhere nearby, so he wouldn't be able to duck out and get into his suit. "You can do this, DP," he told himself. "Just imagine Spidey's face. Oh my God, holy shit, we're going to see his face, oh my holy donuts-"

{Squee!}

The walk actually wasn't that long, but Wade had a hard time appreciating the sting of cold air against his nose and eyes, even with his hood. Some people were already up and about. "I think we need to reevaluate our relationship if Spidey is a morning person," he murmured to himself, ignoring the strange look a woman passing by gave him. "God, I hate this."

The yoga studio wasn't small, but it wasn't overly large. There was a woman at the counter--that looked half asleep herself--that directed him to a room with an instructor, and two other people. A yawning middle-aged woman, and a teenage boy. Based on the bag in the corner of the room, the studio was on the way to the kid's school. The woman cleared her throat at the man leading the session, causing him to turn. 

"Oh, hey," the instructor said, extending a delicate hand for Wade to shake as a lovely smile bloomed on his face. "I'm Peter. Peter Parker. Nice to meet you..."

[[Oh shit. He's cute.]]

"Wade," Wade said, shaking his hand briefly, "Wade Wilson."

And, really Peter was the cutest thing Wade had laid eyes on in a long time. He had wide, chocolate eyes that were sparkling with amusement, and a smile that didn't betray how disgusted he was by Wade's skin. "Alright everyone," Peter said, clapping his hands. "I think we're all that's coming this morning! Let's start off with some simple warm-ups to get our blood flowing, and then I'll be able to work with you guys one-on-one, because I think we're all on different levels now!"

"First, we want to make sure that our head is in a neutral position," Peter said, settling on the floor. "Remember to breathe slowly and deeply, as you follow my example."

Peter looked from left to right, and Wade awkwardly followed his lead, feeling like an idiot the entire time. They tilted their heads up, and looked at the ground. The pattern was slow, slower than Wade was used to, and he tried to avoid growing bored and giving up. His momma didn't raise no quitter, and he wasn't about to shove aside a polite, lovely recommendation from his most favourite person in the whole world.

"I want you to stretch your legs out, and bend forward as much as you can to touch your toes," Peter said, before doing exactly that. It was almost as though he didn't have ribs, Wade thought, with how easily he was able to keep his legs straight while keeping a firm grasp on his toes. "Don't force anything, yoga is meant to be about letting your body learn how to relax. Just do whatever feels natural for you."

They continued like that for a while, until Peter went around to talk about certain poses for certain people.

While he waited for Peter to come to him, Wade looked around the room. The woman wasn't Spidey, and neither was the teenager--both for different reasons revolving around gender and age respectively. So, he turned his gaze to Peter, who noticed and sent him a mischievous smile from across the room. Wade let his eyes dart down to check his watch; the class didn't end for around half-an-hour. Anyone else who could potentially be Spidey-sans-mask could show up, and Wade really shouldn't be jumping to conclusions.

Still...

Peter headed over and started to talk. Wade let his calm, soothing voice wash over him like waves against the shore, before he spoke. "Baby-Boy?"

That effectively stopped Peter's explanation for something that sounded wildly complicated. A flurry of emotions burst into life on the instructor's face, before he settled on relaxed. "It's nice to see you again, Wade," Peter said, and Wade felt his brain explode inside his skull. "I didn't think you were a morning person."

He wasn't.

"I'd wake up early a thousand times if it meant I got to see your gorgeous face, Spidey," he whispered, his voice appropriately low. Peter flushed, red creeping to consume the freckles that dusted his nose and cheeks. "I mean that."

"I'll hold you to that," Peter--and, oh, his name was so cute--smiled. "I thought it would be fun, for you to meet me in my element."

"As long as our second meeting is on my terms," Wade winked. Peter-Spidey hadn't reacted to his skin, or laughed at him, and he just might have fallen in love during their stretches. 

"Okay," Peter said, sounding a little breathless. "Okay. Now, before people think you're my favourite--and you kind of are, don't get me wrong, you're very hot and I might adore you--let's get started with a tree-pose."

Wade follows his lead, and decides to try and become a morning person.

 

*

 

_The End._

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> B-B-B-BINGO!
> 
> This one was very fun as a yoga/health nut; the prompt being 'Yoga Class'. This one is a little different, as Wade's POV, and the next one is going to be even more different in terms of a 'reveal'. If you couldn't tell, a flirty Peter will always be a favourite of mine.
> 
> click [HERE](https://xbloodrunsredx.tumblr.com/) for my tumblr, and don't forget to check out the rest of this series if you haven't already!


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